I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
