new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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