Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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