When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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