Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
