i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
