3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
