u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
