yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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