now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
