can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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