And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
