dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
