I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
