this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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