Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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