so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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