So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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