my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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