Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I cockslap morals
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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