I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
