bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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