I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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