Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
