The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
