Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize