Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
