No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
