I puked a lego.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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