Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize