you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
