Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
