Got a toothbrush?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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