oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
