it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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