I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
