I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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