I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
