you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
