I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
