He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
