Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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