I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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