That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
They took my balls.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
