i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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