I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize