Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
