Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The air taste purple.
Randomize
