we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
