do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize