I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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