it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
