when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
