smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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