We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
