Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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