At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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