can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize