I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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