Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
