Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
