well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
