what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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