He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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