My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
