the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
