i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
