gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize