when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
