u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
