So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
