Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
