He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
