no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
