2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just found a bag of teeth...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
