what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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