in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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