Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize