idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
