your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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