so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
