My nipple is on Facebook.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
