so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
