so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
