Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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