I want to walk on stilts...naked
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
