youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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