I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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