can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
