Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
