I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
