shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize