Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
