It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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