Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
