I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
