the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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