thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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