I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
