Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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