he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
