Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
