So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
