glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
