I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize