I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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