the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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